Important Update

So I noticed while giving this blog location, that I haven't updated you all on my whereabouts. I have not disappeared I have been working on something amazing!!!!

There are so many things to share. Head over to my personal blog tiffanymarnold.wordpress.com and to my new and still under construction website lovetichelle.com.

There is some exciting news coming and I don't want to leave you out in the loop.

Peace and blessings!!!!

So Done with Deadbeat Parents - Daily Vent

So I'm at the child support office and this man AND his wife is in here trying to get him taken off child support. 

Ok not a problem right? WRONG!! 

Here's my issue he is working, the wife gave his job information to the clerk. What makes it even worse, he didn't know whether his child had graduated yet. His argument was she graduated and he should've been off payments. 

The clerk told him, "your daughter graduates in June. You will only be taken off if she doesn't go to college. In which it says here that she has already been accepted and plans on attending."

He then asks "who's paying for college? I didn't agree to pay for no damn college."

 

Let me say this he is a sorry excuse of a man and she is even worse for standing by his side. What makes matters worse they have a 5 year old daughter together (who they let sit in the hallway alone, and I was watching out for her). 

I am tired of these tired men and these tired women standing by and don't hold them accountable. If he don't take of his others what makes you think he will take care of yours? Anything can happen where he can walk away and then you will be going through the same situation as the previous woman. 

Oh did I mention the new wife was extremely young? But no comment on that one. She sure didn't have a lot to say after the clerk said she hadn't graduated high school yet and was going to college. She did however walk away after his fit about her going to college.i wonder what that drive home was like.

My vent for the day is over, maybe... I'll keep you informed. Check out my Twitter @lovetichelle and my Instagram @lovetichelle for more info! Love you lots! 

~LoveTichelle

Its Not Their Fault

I have been a single parent for almost 12 years now, minus a few "situationships" along the way, but  I've been mostly on my own. I had almost forgotten how hard it is in the beginning it is when you realize you're doing it on your own until today.

Today my niece came to pick up her children from me. She had just left work and she was tired. She was complaining about all the things she had to do because "he" didn't do any of it. Listening to her sounded so familiar, I heard my story.

I was her. I was a young mother of two children, both still in diapers. I worked a full time job where I commuted to work 45 minutes on the highway after dropping the girls off at a daycare 30 minutes out the way. I would come home to a husband, fresh out of jail, who didn't know how to lift a finger to clean or cook. Yet he knew how to disappear.

I remember one time he left to go get milk for the kids cereal and came back 3 days later with no damn milk. Imagine how frustrating that is? Like why do I now have to call someone else to come get me to take me to the store, because you cant comprehend that the corner store is at the bottom of the neighborhood that you passed as you left. What did you have to go feed the cow and process the milk yourself. Its really not that hard.

Ok I'm getting sidetracked.

So anyways I remember being so frustrated and angry with him that the girls and I quit coming home. We would go to my Moms house, where he would follow, so I could have some help. I used to e so angry with everyone because here this low down bastard could help me take care of the family that he wanted to create.

I remember my AH HA moment. I was driving back to my moms house. It was late, and I was furious. My (then)husband had gotten himself arrested. He had dropped the girls off with his folks while he ran the streets, when he was supposed to take them to doctors appointments and spend time with him. Here I was late getting off due to a project at work, and I had to go find my children.

On the way back to my my Moms house, snow still on the banks from the blizzard and I was listening to Destinys Child's new album - Destiny Fulfilled. (It was 2004). Their new album, in order, talked about a relationship from first flirting to complete failure. Somewhere between the song If and the song Through With Love I realized it. I was not his fuck up.

Now I dont think it was too much of what D3 was saying but more so the feeling I got when Michelle sang her verse on Through With Love. It made me realize that I was on my own and it was time to get over it. I couldnt let my happiness be determined by how he treated me. Hell he was happy, he was doing whatever he felt like, whenever he felt like doing it. I was the only one moping, but I was not the only one affected. I had two little faces that depended on me to tell them that life was going to be ok.

I say all this to say that we can't control how someone treats us, but we can control how we respond. There is nothing harder than having to take care and raise children on your own. You will have other opinions to dodge, having no rest, cleaning and repeating yourself daily, but thats all part of being a mother. What difference will it make to complain? To be angry? You still have to do it. All I know is that at the end of the day I want to make sure my four little ones know that I am doing all I can for them. Because in the end, they are the only ones that matter.

Our Children, Are They Safe?

 Disclaimer: In no way shape or form am I condoning what police have been doing to our youth. I think it’s disgusting and it needs to stop. I am only talking from one parent to another about our responsibility of keeping our children safe. 

I know that the police killings and brutality have been a topic for a few years now, so as a journalist, my opinion is late. Yet this needs to be discussed on my blog as well. I have a different opinion that perhaps not to many people will be found of, but please just hear me out.

Everyone blames the shooters, the victims or the community where the victim was raised, but when do we as parents take a little of the responsibility? Now I know there are several instances where the parents couldn’t and shouldn’t have done a thing different, like Trayvon Martin for example (I mean the child was just walking home from the gas station, something my children do on a regular basis). But there are instances where we have to teach our children common sense, certain situations call for us to take on the battle, not them.

How do we teach our children to deal with authority? By this I mean school administrators, teachers, police officers – adults that can tell you child to do something without you being present. Can you honestly say that you tell them to be respectful? I cant. I can take responsibility and say that I have always told my children to stand up for what they believe in. To speak up and I will have their back.

  

Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with teaching children to stand up for themself; they very well should do that. What I am saying is that they should know how and why. If a police officer approaches your child, they should know to follow the law. These officers have guns and trigger-happy fingers lately. I want my children to stand up for themselves but I also want them to be alive. There are other ways to fight wrongful imprisonment, racial profiling and questioning your child without you being present.

No we don’t want our children to be attacked by police (like the little girl in the video in South Carolina), but in all honesty I think that situation could’ve been avoided. The teenager refused to leave class. Was her argument right? Yes! Do I blame the administrator, teacher and the police? Yes, but I think that the situation could’ve been avoided from all ends. In no way shape or form am I blaming the student, but I think this can bring up a good point for us parents to discuss with our children. If they feel they are being targeted at school, or if they feel the teacher is treating them unfairly, they need to leave the class if asked and let their parents know so they can handle it.

We need to go to battle for these children. It is up to us to let our kids know that we have their best interest at heart and that we want to see them come home every day safe and sound. So teach them to respect authority and the right way to fight. Don’t give them the ok that they can be disrespectful and get kudos for it. Think of what’s more important to you?

Now how can we do this? Attend parent teacher conferences, go to school events, volunteer. The school, administrators and teachers should know who you are and who your children are. Don't wait until there is a problem before you go up to the school. Let them know that you are involved and want only the best for your child. Trust me the school officials like that and will work with you and your child with anything. I know its hard as parents to juggle so many things, but trust me its a lot easier when you do it this way than the alternative. ~Love Tichelle

Forgive But Never Forget

Life has given me plenty of ups and downs. Plenty of moments when I have been the victim. I have been hurt so many times, it's like I expect it. My Mom says I always give second chances. No matter how much someone could drive me through the dirt or hurt me I always let them come back. Why? Because I believe people change. I know that I am not the same person I was two years ago or even two days ago. I am always evaluating who I am as a person and growing. I wouldn't want someone to judge me or base their entire opinion on me based on mistakes I've made in the past. So why would I do that to someone else?

The problem is I forgive and forget. You should never forgive and forget. You can forgive but forgetting gives them a chance to repeat the same routine they did before. Maybe that person did in fact change but out of habit, getting back around you things begin to feel familiar. For example, a drug addict can't go through rehab and then go back to the same things they were doing before they got clean. Familiar scenery are grounds for relapse. 

That's the same with behavior. Knowing this makes so much sense to all my relationship issues (friends and family included). I need to learn to let go. As the late great Maya Angelou used to say "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time". 

Frankly I'm tired of being hurt, and it's time for me to take a stand. Along with all of you. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for getting hurt. It's not always the people around us that we can point the finger to. We have to look inside us and inside our behaviors and patterns. Why do we continue to LET people hurt us? 

So put your foot down, be strong and realize that life is too short to waste time being miserable, being scared, being depressed and not happy. Take the time you need between relationships and heal. Putting a bandaid on top of a wound and keep moving doesn't always work. The bandaid will eventually fall off and show your scars. But if you let them heal internally, you can remove that bandaid, proudly own the left over marks and move on with peace. 

~Love Tichelle 💋