Important Update

So I noticed while giving this blog location, that I haven't updated you all on my whereabouts. I have not disappeared I have been working on something amazing!!!!

There are so many things to share. Head over to my personal blog tiffanymarnold.wordpress.com and to my new and still under construction website lovetichelle.com.

There is some exciting news coming and I don't want to leave you out in the loop.

Peace and blessings!!!!

So Done with Deadbeat Parents - Daily Vent

So I'm at the child support office and this man AND his wife is in here trying to get him taken off child support. 

Ok not a problem right? WRONG!! 

Here's my issue he is working, the wife gave his job information to the clerk. What makes it even worse, he didn't know whether his child had graduated yet. His argument was she graduated and he should've been off payments. 

The clerk told him, "your daughter graduates in June. You will only be taken off if she doesn't go to college. In which it says here that she has already been accepted and plans on attending."

He then asks "who's paying for college? I didn't agree to pay for no damn college."

 

Let me say this he is a sorry excuse of a man and she is even worse for standing by his side. What makes matters worse they have a 5 year old daughter together (who they let sit in the hallway alone, and I was watching out for her). 

I am tired of these tired men and these tired women standing by and don't hold them accountable. If he don't take of his others what makes you think he will take care of yours? Anything can happen where he can walk away and then you will be going through the same situation as the previous woman. 

Oh did I mention the new wife was extremely young? But no comment on that one. She sure didn't have a lot to say after the clerk said she hadn't graduated high school yet and was going to college. She did however walk away after his fit about her going to college.i wonder what that drive home was like.

My vent for the day is over, maybe... I'll keep you informed. Check out my Twitter @lovetichelle and my Instagram @lovetichelle for more info! Love you lots! 

~LoveTichelle

Its Not Their Fault

I have been a single parent for almost 12 years now, minus a few "situationships" along the way, but  I've been mostly on my own. I had almost forgotten how hard it is in the beginning it is when you realize you're doing it on your own until today.

Today my niece came to pick up her children from me. She had just left work and she was tired. She was complaining about all the things she had to do because "he" didn't do any of it. Listening to her sounded so familiar, I heard my story.

I was her. I was a young mother of two children, both still in diapers. I worked a full time job where I commuted to work 45 minutes on the highway after dropping the girls off at a daycare 30 minutes out the way. I would come home to a husband, fresh out of jail, who didn't know how to lift a finger to clean or cook. Yet he knew how to disappear.

I remember one time he left to go get milk for the kids cereal and came back 3 days later with no damn milk. Imagine how frustrating that is? Like why do I now have to call someone else to come get me to take me to the store, because you cant comprehend that the corner store is at the bottom of the neighborhood that you passed as you left. What did you have to go feed the cow and process the milk yourself. Its really not that hard.

Ok I'm getting sidetracked.

So anyways I remember being so frustrated and angry with him that the girls and I quit coming home. We would go to my Moms house, where he would follow, so I could have some help. I used to e so angry with everyone because here this low down bastard could help me take care of the family that he wanted to create.

I remember my AH HA moment. I was driving back to my moms house. It was late, and I was furious. My (then)husband had gotten himself arrested. He had dropped the girls off with his folks while he ran the streets, when he was supposed to take them to doctors appointments and spend time with him. Here I was late getting off due to a project at work, and I had to go find my children.

On the way back to my my Moms house, snow still on the banks from the blizzard and I was listening to Destinys Child's new album - Destiny Fulfilled. (It was 2004). Their new album, in order, talked about a relationship from first flirting to complete failure. Somewhere between the song If and the song Through With Love I realized it. I was not his fuck up.

Now I dont think it was too much of what D3 was saying but more so the feeling I got when Michelle sang her verse on Through With Love. It made me realize that I was on my own and it was time to get over it. I couldnt let my happiness be determined by how he treated me. Hell he was happy, he was doing whatever he felt like, whenever he felt like doing it. I was the only one moping, but I was not the only one affected. I had two little faces that depended on me to tell them that life was going to be ok.

I say all this to say that we can't control how someone treats us, but we can control how we respond. There is nothing harder than having to take care and raise children on your own. You will have other opinions to dodge, having no rest, cleaning and repeating yourself daily, but thats all part of being a mother. What difference will it make to complain? To be angry? You still have to do it. All I know is that at the end of the day I want to make sure my four little ones know that I am doing all I can for them. Because in the end, they are the only ones that matter.

Our Children, Are They Safe?

 Disclaimer: In no way shape or form am I condoning what police have been doing to our youth. I think it’s disgusting and it needs to stop. I am only talking from one parent to another about our responsibility of keeping our children safe. 

I know that the police killings and brutality have been a topic for a few years now, so as a journalist, my opinion is late. Yet this needs to be discussed on my blog as well. I have a different opinion that perhaps not to many people will be found of, but please just hear me out.

Everyone blames the shooters, the victims or the community where the victim was raised, but when do we as parents take a little of the responsibility? Now I know there are several instances where the parents couldn’t and shouldn’t have done a thing different, like Trayvon Martin for example (I mean the child was just walking home from the gas station, something my children do on a regular basis). But there are instances where we have to teach our children common sense, certain situations call for us to take on the battle, not them.

How do we teach our children to deal with authority? By this I mean school administrators, teachers, police officers – adults that can tell you child to do something without you being present. Can you honestly say that you tell them to be respectful? I cant. I can take responsibility and say that I have always told my children to stand up for what they believe in. To speak up and I will have their back.

  

Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with teaching children to stand up for themself; they very well should do that. What I am saying is that they should know how and why. If a police officer approaches your child, they should know to follow the law. These officers have guns and trigger-happy fingers lately. I want my children to stand up for themselves but I also want them to be alive. There are other ways to fight wrongful imprisonment, racial profiling and questioning your child without you being present.

No we don’t want our children to be attacked by police (like the little girl in the video in South Carolina), but in all honesty I think that situation could’ve been avoided. The teenager refused to leave class. Was her argument right? Yes! Do I blame the administrator, teacher and the police? Yes, but I think that the situation could’ve been avoided from all ends. In no way shape or form am I blaming the student, but I think this can bring up a good point for us parents to discuss with our children. If they feel they are being targeted at school, or if they feel the teacher is treating them unfairly, they need to leave the class if asked and let their parents know so they can handle it.

We need to go to battle for these children. It is up to us to let our kids know that we have their best interest at heart and that we want to see them come home every day safe and sound. So teach them to respect authority and the right way to fight. Don’t give them the ok that they can be disrespectful and get kudos for it. Think of what’s more important to you?

Now how can we do this? Attend parent teacher conferences, go to school events, volunteer. The school, administrators and teachers should know who you are and who your children are. Don't wait until there is a problem before you go up to the school. Let them know that you are involved and want only the best for your child. Trust me the school officials like that and will work with you and your child with anything. I know its hard as parents to juggle so many things, but trust me its a lot easier when you do it this way than the alternative. ~Love Tichelle

Forgive But Never Forget

Life has given me plenty of ups and downs. Plenty of moments when I have been the victim. I have been hurt so many times, it's like I expect it. My Mom says I always give second chances. No matter how much someone could drive me through the dirt or hurt me I always let them come back. Why? Because I believe people change. I know that I am not the same person I was two years ago or even two days ago. I am always evaluating who I am as a person and growing. I wouldn't want someone to judge me or base their entire opinion on me based on mistakes I've made in the past. So why would I do that to someone else?

The problem is I forgive and forget. You should never forgive and forget. You can forgive but forgetting gives them a chance to repeat the same routine they did before. Maybe that person did in fact change but out of habit, getting back around you things begin to feel familiar. For example, a drug addict can't go through rehab and then go back to the same things they were doing before they got clean. Familiar scenery are grounds for relapse. 

That's the same with behavior. Knowing this makes so much sense to all my relationship issues (friends and family included). I need to learn to let go. As the late great Maya Angelou used to say "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time". 

Frankly I'm tired of being hurt, and it's time for me to take a stand. Along with all of you. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for getting hurt. It's not always the people around us that we can point the finger to. We have to look inside us and inside our behaviors and patterns. Why do we continue to LET people hurt us? 

So put your foot down, be strong and realize that life is too short to waste time being miserable, being scared, being depressed and not happy. Take the time you need between relationships and heal. Putting a bandaid on top of a wound and keep moving doesn't always work. The bandaid will eventually fall off and show your scars. But if you let them heal internally, you can remove that bandaid, proudly own the left over marks and move on with peace. 

~Love Tichelle 💋

Mistakes Lead to Greatness

"A person who never made mistakes, never tried anything new." ~ Albert Einstein 

Someone is always judging you no matter what you do in life. Part of being great is taking risks. How will you know if something will work if you don't make a few mistakes along the way? Do you know how many tries it took to get the right ingredients for a light bulb? It took Thomas Edison 3,000 attempts to invent the lightbulb. 3,000 attempts!!! I'm sure someone along the way told him to give up, or told him that he needed to do something different. Where would we be if he would've listened? In the dark! 

My point is giving up should never be an option, no matter what people say. You have to follow your heart and do what you feel to do. Otherwise you will always wonder what if and resent the ones around you who discouraged you from doing what you felt. 

Whose to say your dreams may encourage someone else. Maybe your mistakes will turn out to be something great. Did you know that potato chips, x-Ray images, plastic, matches and coca-cola (to name a few) were mistakes. Each of the inventors were trying to create something different but came up with something else great. 

So don't fret when someone talks down on you. Let them talk, cause if they're talking you must be doing something right. Besides think about it, if they are so busy talking about you they can't follow their own dreams, which leaves more room for you. Also the same people talking down on you, will be the same ones with their hand out or looking for recognition when you succeed. Ignore them because misery loves company. 

               ~ Love Tichelle 💋

I Need Help This Time

           

            It’s over. The one relationship that you thought would never end, it was different than the rest. Although you said that before, this one was different, or so you thought. Now here you are again. Picking up the pieces of your broken heart and trying to find a way to put it back together. But just like every other time, there are pieces missing. This time even more than before. What’s next? How can you come from this? How can you move on?

            To be honest, I don’t know. I know I usually have an answer for everything, but I really don’t know how to heal from a broken heart. My heart has been broken so many times that I don’t think it will ever fully heal and believe in love again.

            For example, I am in the middle of a brutal break up. I thought I had finally met someone that truly loves me for me, and will be there to support me regardless of what I am facing and I was wrong. I am back where I started, heart broken and feeling like I wasted time. The worst part, the part that makes this one hurt far more than any other break up I have been through, is that I really opened up and talked about things I never discussed with anyone. Now I feel like I shouldn’t have. Like I never should’ve opened up.

            Ok this wasn’t supposed to be about what I am going through. I wasn’t supposed to talk about my heartbreak. I was supposed to talk about how to get over it, how to heal from it. But now instead of giving you all advice, I am asking you all for it. I need to know how you all move on. I already know the standard general responses like pray about it, take your time, ya, ya, ya… I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear about the stuff you do when you first decide its over, or when you first get dumped. The way you get rid of the overwhelming feelings of loss and betrayal.

            I was going to put a disclaimer for my ex or mutual friends but you know, I hope this is read. I hope that maybe my pain will be seen, because I’m not always the best at verbally expressing my feelings. Then again, I am trying to learn to not care. Smh... I really need help yal.

*****UPDATE*****

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/14042671/?claim=ffr4hy79x5n">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>

So I am proud to announce that I am a guest blogger for The Avenues. There are me and a few others on there that produce wonderful work. I am a few months late, but I will be having giveaways with awesome prizes!!! So stay tuned. Also follow me on Bloglovin! There are so many different bloggers out there and this puts us all in one place.

Stop Bashing Single Parents

Being a single parent is tough. What can compare to not only having to struggle with taking care of yourself, but also having several other mouths to feed? I for one am proud to be a single mother. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a loving marriage so that my kids could have two parents at home and some of the stress could be lifted off of me, but I am not going to wallow in my ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas’ instead I embrace the fact that I am doing the best that I can with what I have. Does that make me bitter? No. Does that make me lash out? No. I am just aware of my situation and moving forward.

With that being said I hate to see people lash out on single parents. It always happens around Mothers Day and Fathers Day where other people blame the single parent for “having unprotected sex with the wrong person.” Come on now. How many of us have been in relationships with people and didn’t know it was going to turn out bad? EVERYONE!!! No one can say that they knew everything about a person when you start to date them. Sometimes the true person isn’t revealed until several years later. After that you both are in love, kids may have been brought in the equation and there is no longer a relationship. [Side note: Not all marriages last either, so don’t bash the ones who had kids out of wedlock. Carry on!]

Here’s where the problem lays, just because you don’t have a relationship with me, doesn’t mean you cannot have a relationship with your children. I have seen several couples break up and both parents are active in their children’s lives. The parents can’t stand each other but they are happily co-parenting to make it better for their children. Yet there are those that chose to leave their child(ren) along with the other person. (Shame on you!)

Now every situation is different. Some people may have been perfect for each other but drugs, alcohol, or life changed them. At that point they can no longer be a good member of society, let alone a good parent. Is that the other person’s fault? No!

We all need to come together and uplift each other and look for each other instead of trying to tear someone down for their mistakes in life. Who on earth has never made a mistake? Don’t worry I’ll wait. Show me someone who says they haven’t and I will show you a liar. The only way we can get better ourselves is to embrace our past and move on, that includes embracing mistakes and learning from them.

I just think its time we stop bashing single parents. They have enough to deal with that are more important that being bashed from other people. Including other single parents, or those that used to be one! With that being said. Its part of life to love who you are, and to be happy with who you are despite your situation. Don’t let negative comments stop you from being the best parent you can be. Don’t forget there are little eyes watching you!

-Love Tichelle

Unrequited Love

That amazing feeling you have when your every thought is of that one person. You catch yourself smiling for no reason about them. They can touch you and your whole body turns to mush. You tingle from a simple gesture. You’re in love. Not the puppy love where you are drawing hearts and doodling their name and yours together, but in love where you pray for them before you pray for yourself, the type of love where you want to give yourself up completely to them.

And then the unthinkable happens; you realize the love is not returned. You are putting your time and emotion into someone who does not feel the same about you. Maybe you were the rebound, maybe they NEVER really put their heart into it, or maybe you fell to quick. Whatever it is, you realize that you are the only one who thinks this is a good thing.

What do you do? So many people are so quick to judge and say you should move on, but what if you have really invested your time and feelings into this person? Shouldn’t you try to fight for something that feels right to you? Shouldn’t you try to find out why this person doesn’t see in you what you see in them? Why should you just walk away?

SO YOU DON’T GET HURT! So many are willing to put the

ir feelings aside for someone else. Don’t try to be everything for this person, because if they don’t see it, they never will, and in the end you will be mad at them for wasting your time, when really you can’t be mad at anyone but yourself.

The person that is right for you will not make you feel like that. You will know that they feel the same way without any hesitation, without any doubt.

Now how do you move on? These have always been my ways of moving on. They work for me, and I hope they work for you.

1. Stay away from them. Any contact with them will make you weak and fall back for the very things that make you fall for them. Trust me they are not worth your time.

2. Stay away from sad love songs. Play songs that talk about self-strength and moving on or self-love, nothing that reminds you of him/her.

3. Do not drink alone. If you do drink, drink with someone that will take your phone and keep you away from “drunk texting”.

 

4. Cry. Let out the emotions you feel so you can release them and move on.

Last but not least...

5. take the time to heal. Do not start talking to someone new until you have completely closed this door. Or you will do to the next what this one just did to you.

Love Yal... lovetichelle

What Do You REALLY Expect?

Be honest when you get in a relationship what do you want? Many will answer this and say someone with their life together, a good job, their own place and a vehicle of some kind. Now that’s all good, but what about the person? What do you expect from the person for you to remain happy with that person? Not the normal, communicates with me, makes me laugh, faithful and honest. But what about the deeper things that you need to feel secure in your relationship?

Many people don’t think about this until they are stuck in a relationship that isn’t working. Maybe your girlfriend is too flirty and you can’t take that, or maybe your boyfriend is a little too friendly online. What is it that is dire in a relationship that you wouldn’t think to question until its too late?

For me its security, I need to know that not only will I be physically be safe with you, but I need to know that emotionally I will be safe with you. I do not like to be made into a fool by other people. I like for our problems to be our problems. Don’t get me wrong, I have my people I vent to (all close friends that know how I am and gives me honest views without judging) and I expect the person I am with to have the same. But I mean social media shouldn’t know our problems, ex-girlfriends shouldn’t have the opportunity to comment on our issues via Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

I also need to be given attention and affection. I am a very affectionate person. I know that everyone else is not as affectionate as I am, but I expect to be shown how much I am appreciated through a kiss, a passionate touch or even a sexy glance. I am lucky to 

What about you? What do you appreciate or disagree with in a relationship? These are the things that you should inquire about when you are in the dating stages. That way you know that you will be fulfilled in all aspects of your relationship. There is nothing worse than someone who has a good man/good woman but drags them hell because they are not completely happy.

Just note every bad relationship teaches you a little more about what you want from a relationship AND helps you to appreciate the one when it comes along.