Forgive But Never Forget

Life has given me plenty of ups and downs. Plenty of moments when I have been the victim. I have been hurt so many times, it's like I expect it. My Mom says I always give second chances. No matter how much someone could drive me through the dirt or hurt me I always let them come back. Why? Because I believe people change. I know that I am not the same person I was two years ago or even two days ago. I am always evaluating who I am as a person and growing. I wouldn't want someone to judge me or base their entire opinion on me based on mistakes I've made in the past. So why would I do that to someone else?

The problem is I forgive and forget. You should never forgive and forget. You can forgive but forgetting gives them a chance to repeat the same routine they did before. Maybe that person did in fact change but out of habit, getting back around you things begin to feel familiar. For example, a drug addict can't go through rehab and then go back to the same things they were doing before they got clean. Familiar scenery are grounds for relapse. 

That's the same with behavior. Knowing this makes so much sense to all my relationship issues (friends and family included). I need to learn to let go. As the late great Maya Angelou used to say "when someone shows you who they are believe them the first time". 

Frankly I'm tired of being hurt, and it's time for me to take a stand. Along with all of you. Sometimes we have to take responsibility for getting hurt. It's not always the people around us that we can point the finger to. We have to look inside us and inside our behaviors and patterns. Why do we continue to LET people hurt us? 

So put your foot down, be strong and realize that life is too short to waste time being miserable, being scared, being depressed and not happy. Take the time you need between relationships and heal. Putting a bandaid on top of a wound and keep moving doesn't always work. The bandaid will eventually fall off and show your scars. But if you let them heal internally, you can remove that bandaid, proudly own the left over marks and move on with peace. 

~Love Tichelle 💋

Mistakes Lead to Greatness

"A person who never made mistakes, never tried anything new." ~ Albert Einstein 

Someone is always judging you no matter what you do in life. Part of being great is taking risks. How will you know if something will work if you don't make a few mistakes along the way? Do you know how many tries it took to get the right ingredients for a light bulb? It took Thomas Edison 3,000 attempts to invent the lightbulb. 3,000 attempts!!! I'm sure someone along the way told him to give up, or told him that he needed to do something different. Where would we be if he would've listened? In the dark! 

My point is giving up should never be an option, no matter what people say. You have to follow your heart and do what you feel to do. Otherwise you will always wonder what if and resent the ones around you who discouraged you from doing what you felt. 

Whose to say your dreams may encourage someone else. Maybe your mistakes will turn out to be something great. Did you know that potato chips, x-Ray images, plastic, matches and coca-cola (to name a few) were mistakes. Each of the inventors were trying to create something different but came up with something else great. 

So don't fret when someone talks down on you. Let them talk, cause if they're talking you must be doing something right. Besides think about it, if they are so busy talking about you they can't follow their own dreams, which leaves more room for you. Also the same people talking down on you, will be the same ones with their hand out or looking for recognition when you succeed. Ignore them because misery loves company. 

               ~ Love Tichelle 💋

I Need Help This Time

           

            It’s over. The one relationship that you thought would never end, it was different than the rest. Although you said that before, this one was different, or so you thought. Now here you are again. Picking up the pieces of your broken heart and trying to find a way to put it back together. But just like every other time, there are pieces missing. This time even more than before. What’s next? How can you come from this? How can you move on?

            To be honest, I don’t know. I know I usually have an answer for everything, but I really don’t know how to heal from a broken heart. My heart has been broken so many times that I don’t think it will ever fully heal and believe in love again.

            For example, I am in the middle of a brutal break up. I thought I had finally met someone that truly loves me for me, and will be there to support me regardless of what I am facing and I was wrong. I am back where I started, heart broken and feeling like I wasted time. The worst part, the part that makes this one hurt far more than any other break up I have been through, is that I really opened up and talked about things I never discussed with anyone. Now I feel like I shouldn’t have. Like I never should’ve opened up.

            Ok this wasn’t supposed to be about what I am going through. I wasn’t supposed to talk about my heartbreak. I was supposed to talk about how to get over it, how to heal from it. But now instead of giving you all advice, I am asking you all for it. I need to know how you all move on. I already know the standard general responses like pray about it, take your time, ya, ya, ya… I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear about the stuff you do when you first decide its over, or when you first get dumped. The way you get rid of the overwhelming feelings of loss and betrayal.

            I was going to put a disclaimer for my ex or mutual friends but you know, I hope this is read. I hope that maybe my pain will be seen, because I’m not always the best at verbally expressing my feelings. Then again, I am trying to learn to not care. Smh... I really need help yal.

*****UPDATE*****

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So I am proud to announce that I am a guest blogger for The Avenues. There are me and a few others on there that produce wonderful work. I am a few months late, but I will be having giveaways with awesome prizes!!! So stay tuned. Also follow me on Bloglovin! There are so many different bloggers out there and this puts us all in one place.

Stop Bashing Single Parents

Being a single parent is tough. What can compare to not only having to struggle with taking care of yourself, but also having several other mouths to feed? I for one am proud to be a single mother. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be in a loving marriage so that my kids could have two parents at home and some of the stress could be lifted off of me, but I am not going to wallow in my ‘shoulda-coulda-wouldas’ instead I embrace the fact that I am doing the best that I can with what I have. Does that make me bitter? No. Does that make me lash out? No. I am just aware of my situation and moving forward.

With that being said I hate to see people lash out on single parents. It always happens around Mothers Day and Fathers Day where other people blame the single parent for “having unprotected sex with the wrong person.” Come on now. How many of us have been in relationships with people and didn’t know it was going to turn out bad? EVERYONE!!! No one can say that they knew everything about a person when you start to date them. Sometimes the true person isn’t revealed until several years later. After that you both are in love, kids may have been brought in the equation and there is no longer a relationship. [Side note: Not all marriages last either, so don’t bash the ones who had kids out of wedlock. Carry on!]

Here’s where the problem lays, just because you don’t have a relationship with me, doesn’t mean you cannot have a relationship with your children. I have seen several couples break up and both parents are active in their children’s lives. The parents can’t stand each other but they are happily co-parenting to make it better for their children. Yet there are those that chose to leave their child(ren) along with the other person. (Shame on you!)

Now every situation is different. Some people may have been perfect for each other but drugs, alcohol, or life changed them. At that point they can no longer be a good member of society, let alone a good parent. Is that the other person’s fault? No!

We all need to come together and uplift each other and look for each other instead of trying to tear someone down for their mistakes in life. Who on earth has never made a mistake? Don’t worry I’ll wait. Show me someone who says they haven’t and I will show you a liar. The only way we can get better ourselves is to embrace our past and move on, that includes embracing mistakes and learning from them.

I just think its time we stop bashing single parents. They have enough to deal with that are more important that being bashed from other people. Including other single parents, or those that used to be one! With that being said. Its part of life to love who you are, and to be happy with who you are despite your situation. Don’t let negative comments stop you from being the best parent you can be. Don’t forget there are little eyes watching you!

-Love Tichelle