You Can't Force Love... Don't Settle Just Because its There.

So today I read in a group I'm in about a girl who is in a relationship with this guy who wants to make her settle down, but she's not ready. What's crazy is a lot of the women were commenting that she was stupid for not settling down with him. I think it crazy that these women think that she should because he's a good guy. My question is how do they know? Because he is ready to get married? Because he wants to do what many men in this generation do not want to do?

I disagree!!! What this man is doing is trying to change and force her. You cannot force someone to be with you. I think I need to say that again. YOU CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO BE WITH YOU!!! In the end if that person will regret you and everything that comes with your relationship. What happens if you all have children? That person you forced to be with you will regret the children. There are too many loveless homes that many children are growing up in, why add another one?

It almost like many women are programmed to think that marriage and children are the only thing that we should aspire to have. Why? What are we in 1950? That was all women back in the day could aspire to have, unless they were a teacher, beautician or maid. Nowadays we can be anything that we want to be - lawyers, doctors, CEOs and any thing else we can imagine. Why settle for being just someones wife and mother.

Now I am not saying that there is anything wrong with being a housewife, but ONLY if thats what you WANT to do. You have to live your life for you and not want anyone else wants you to be. If you live your life to make others around you happy, you will NEVER and I repeat NEVER be happy.

I know of an elder lady who lived her whole life for what her family said she should do. She grew up, got married and had children. She lived her entire life making her husband and children happy. When all the children grew up and left home and her husband left her for a younger woman, she realized she had nothing. The worse part of it was she never wanted any of it. She was always attracted to women, but she knew that if she ever came out her family would disown her. There she was a senior citizen looking over her life and she was miserable. She never had a job so she had no skills and no degree. She had to start all over.

Why do that to yourself? Why not live everyday doing things that please you. If something doesn't make you happy, change it. Whether it's a job, relationship or living situation. Think about what steps you need to take to be happy and work towards that. You are never to late to start. That lady was well into her 50s and she opened up a restaurant, found her a girlfriend and to this day she is very happy. Everyone in her family and some old friends is not happy with her new life, a few have even cut her off, but she is happy. She wakes up with a smile on her face and goes to bed the same way.

What will make you happy? Why are you not going after it? Don't ever settle for anything that is not the best for you no matter who says you are stupid for not settling. ~ Love Tichelle

Exes can't be friends, can they?

So you meet the person of your dreams, they treat you good, talk good and seem like they are perfect for you. Love comes quick and you, in your head, plan a future with them. Next thing you know you find out about a crazy ex whom they still communicate with. What do you do? What can you do?

There's a saying, and I don't know who said it, that says you can't be friends with your ex. If you are they are probably still on love or they never were. That's the key reason why I am not friends with any of my exes. Minus high school or childhood exes, who don't count. I want even thinking about love back then.

So what do you do with your relationship? You have feelings now, but do you want to continue. Look at all the facts first. 

Is the ex disrespectful? If so run! If the person you are with doesn't stop this then they never will and there is no reason to be in that stressful situation. That's how windows become smashed, tires slashed and fights break out. They are still in love with your current and will do or say anything to tear your relationship up. I'd say move on so they can pick up their messy pieces.

How often do they talk, hangout or interact on social media? If it's often that is a red flag. Find out why their relationship end and how long ago because it seems that there is still some lingering feelings.

Through all of this my biggest advice is to talk to your significant other before jumping to conclusions. Let them know what makes you feel uncomfortable and why. Communication helps! Let them see from your point of view your concerns.

Hoped this helped. Love Tichelle

Why don't you really trust him/her?

Trust - firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of someone or something.

Trust is such a strong word. When you fully trust someone you are saying that you can trust them with you are. Meaning your emotions, your heart, your feelings, and your life. Trust is the backbone to commitment, but many don't have it. How can you be in love with someone without trust? You can't!

Lets get down to it, why don't you fully trust the one you're with? Did they do something to make you think they will hurt you? What is it Facebook? Instagram? Text messages?


Are you even sure its them you don't trust? Could it possibly be that you don't trust in general? Here's why I ask that....

In my relationships I have never really trusted, even before they really gave me a reason. I always thought it was because I have been in some seriously jacked up relationships. I have been cheated on, lied to and manipulated, but those were not the root to my problem. Here is my problem, the very first boy that I ever had a crush on and told it tried to rape me with several friends. To make the situation worse, my "friends" were there and walked out without trying to help me. I was chastised, bullied and had to leave town because I chose to stand up about it. Have I let it go? Yes, or at least I thought I did until 20 years later it came to me that this is my REAL reason for mistrusting people. It stems from something deeper.

Now I am not saying that everyone has a deep dark demon in their past, but sometimes when things happen in your life you need to get to the root of the problem. Find out why you keep attracting players and jerks instead of trying to fix them. Sometimes the reason you are having reoccurring problems is because you have to deal with what is really going on with you. I am, slowly, one day at a time. It's hard and my poor boo is usually the one catching all my crap along with my personal discoveries, but in order to make any relationship work you have to work on you first.

Hope this helps!!! Love Tichelle

Do You Always Have To Yell?

Relationships are hard, at least everyone I have had so far are. Communication is essential to keeping it alive and thriving, but what happens when you are both at a stand still and no one seems to be talking to anyone? Many people at this point run, they end the relationship and cut ties with the person only to feel guilty later because they really cared for that person. Try these steps:

1. Talk when you are ALONE about serious topics: Do not wait for an audience. Many people hold on to emotions and then decided that a room full of people is the best way to get a reaction out of the one they love. That is not right, or fair. When you do this you invite other people to give opinions on your relationship, which always causes conflict. Think about how many friends would love to here bad things about your relationship problems than to see you all actually work it out. What about that lurker in your group of friends that is just waiting for you all to break up? You are giving them the perfect opportunity.

2. Speak calm: When you yell or scream the other person is not listening to you. They are starting to feel like they are becoming attacked and will become defensive. Then your conversation will be lost. It doesn’t matter if you are saying have a nice day, if your tone doesn’t mean it then they will not hear it. Take deep breaths if you feel you are becoming irritated or upset and approach the conversation from a different way.

3. Pick your battles: If something is really not important to you, then don’t fight about it. Matter of fact, do you really even need to bring it up. Decide if it’s something that you can let go of. Don’t think you can let it go and then a few margaritas later you are bringing it up. Which leads me to:

4. Stay on topic: You can not get your point across about one topic if you are all over the place with another topic. Don’t bring up something that happened last week or two years ago. Talk about what is bothering you right then and there.

5. Refrain from physical violence: If you feel your temper is rising and you are getting to the point where you want to hit something or throw something, walk away. Evaluate if this person is even for you since you feel you have to get physical. Maybe you all need a break from each other permanently or maybe you need to invest in some anger management. There is never a reason to hit anyone.

6. If they walk away let them: They may need to cool off because of their temper. Don’t walk behind them pressing buttons or yell louder. Take the time yourself to get your thoughts together and calm the situation down.

Don’t wait until you are fuming mad to try and talk to your significant other. Talk to them about everything whether good or bad. The only way you will get to truly know each other is by opening up your life and letting this person in. Good luck!

Love Tichelle