Let Me Explain....

So I realized from my post a few minutes ago, that I start a lot of my posts off with finding the perfect the person. I know that starts to sound repetitive but let me explain why my brains thinks like that.

In relationships the beginning always seems so perfect. You laugh, hold hands, kiss constantly… you really show just the perfect amount of affection and love to one another. That person seems like the one person that you have waited for your entire life.

Then BOOM!!!

All of a sudden something happens and the perfect person can become a nightmare. I find that in some of my relationships it has been because I have been so wrapped up in the good things that I ignore all the red flags. Stupid, I

know, but how many people can say that they haven’t?

In other relationships, some people didn’t show their true colors until I was so wrapped up that I was confused. I have always been a loyal person, so I try to stay and work it out until my brain finally clicks back to reality. Until I finally realize that I am wasting my time. I can’t tell you how much time I have truly wasted.

Now some of them were my fault. I have not been a perfect girlfriend in all of my relationships. I have my faults and flaws, but I am a big girl and admit when I am wrong.

I really just want people to understand that you can’t wrap yourself in a relationship and think it will be perfect. You don’t truly know a person until you have had your first argument. When you see what they are like and the words that come out their mouth when they are mad at you. That’s when you truly know who they are and what they are thinking.

But you also find out how they are when they apologize. If they apologize, admit their faults and seriously put forth an effort to change. Not change for you, but change for them - then you know that they are worth it.

There is NO perfect relationship, show me one and I will show you some serious issues. Many that portray to be perfect are hiding insecurities and many times abuse. Every relationship will have issues; you just have to know if the issues are something that you can deal with.

Holding out for the perfect relationship will have you gray-haired with a house full of cats. I’m just saying - it will never come. 

Your first BIG argument... Can you make it past it?

You have finally met the girl/guy of your dreams, everything seems to be going amazing and you are happier than ever before. Then it happens – you have the biggest fight you ever had. Things seem different, true colors have been shown, deep thoughts and fears revealed. Now that perfect relationship that you have been bragging on has turned upside down. Neither of you are talking to one another, you’re walking past each other like you don’t exist and making slick comments under your breath. What do you do? Can you come back from this?

Many people I know will say no… Matter fact, they will say HELL NO! (A lot of my friends take no mess.) But what about if you truly love this person and know that they are the one for you. How do you turn it around so that you can get back to a healthy relationship and stop the pettiness?

First of all, stop ignoring each other and sit down and have a conversation. Truly listen to each other. Take the opportunity to get out all your fears and complaints without holding back. Getting it all out now will prevent this same argument from reoccurring.

 

Sometimes in this conversation you realize that the person that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with never returned the same feelings. Don’t dwell on that. Count your losses and move on. You deserve someone who will love you the same way you love them.

In other instances, you both realize that maybe this relationship was moving too fast. If this is the case, step back and take it slow. Maybe you all rushed because you saw the potential, but rushing will only ruin something that can be perfect.

All in all you need to decide for you if this person is worth getting back. Would someone that truly loves you act like you don’t exist? Would you ignore someone you truly love? Who is being childish you, them or both? Why? Is there a deeper reason behind both of your attitudes?

Maybe you all didn’t talk as much as you should have in the beginning, or maybe not about the right things. Whatever it is, once you make it through this, if your relationship is still standing, you will have made your relationship stronger. So move past it. Don’t hold on or hold grudges. (I will speak on that topic at a later date.)

~Love Tichelle